Thought of the day. For people with eating disorders. Abs problems. And Acceptance
I feel like I haven’t written in a while so here it goes.
Today I was at the gym and I went on my sport bra after like a month of covering myself up. I’ve been up and down on my gaining and losing weight. For many reasons, relationship stress… being an actress, believe me its a hard career. Quitting my day job, ect.
But Today I said hey Ive been working a bit harder lately so fuck it. Fuck it indeed. Anyways I remembered something a friend of mine years ago told me while I was still a “Skinny Fat Kid” ( Skinny but still fluffy, no muscle mass) I was so mad cause I wanted to have abs and I was doing p90x and ect and they didn’t poop out and then a friend of mine told me, Hey maybe you are just not an ab person. LIES!!! If someone ever tells you that say FUCK YOU to them! Under all fat there is muscle EVERYONE has abs you just need to work them out and they will show up. It took me YEARS and they are still not how I wish they would be.. of course I want them to look as lean as the chick from “Daily Hiit” but that bitch has never been fat!.. sooo yeah lucky her. Right now, Im ok, I could still do better, but I like my sweets and believe me when you are engaged and living with another actor who is naturally fit and doesnt workout and eats SHIT 24/7 its very hard to keep a diet.. I do my best. But I do love chocolate.. AND ITS OK! cause Im a human… not a robot! I like an occasional Jack Daniels and Trail Mix and Chocolate. ITS OK! if you have a day where your like fuck… I want ice cream right now.. and then your like… Jesus NO cause it will break my diet and I will gain 10pounds. SAY FUCK IT! enjoy life… If you die tomorrow… wouldn’t you rather die knowing you took care of yourself in a healthy way, enjoying the beautiful bits of life, the little things like.. ice cream :) I think so :P
But then again we aren’t perfect. I get many questions about my eating disorder and thats how I’ve gotten better and better. Knowing Im not perfect and I will never be. I smoke… a lot. Im addicted to Coffee… even more. I know I have to fix this things yes. but I don’t hate myself for it.
So anyways, I want to leave you all with my conclusion of the day.